


i can go anywhere i want (just not home)

by cherylbombshells



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheryl Blossom Needs a Hug, F/F, Non-Linear Narrative, Toni Topaz Needs a Hug, and penelope deserves jailtime, here's another break up fic for y'all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 22:01:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28820412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherylbombshells/pseuds/cherylbombshells
Summary: A huge mistake from Cheryl and Toni's past, one they thought they'd buried (or at least dumped in Sweetwater River), comes back to jeopardize their future.
Relationships: Cheryl Blossom/Toni Topaz
Comments: 37
Kudos: 94





	i can go anywhere i want (just not home)

**Author's Note:**

> i) Since the show is clearly not gonna give me my dream plot for their break up, I wrote this fic about it instead.  
> ii) Please just ~go with it and not overthink the logistics too hard, okay? It's a (canon set) Riverdale fic after all!  
> iii) I incorporated some things we know about the time jump in here, but also ignored lots of things, too.  
> iv) This is my first attempt at a non-linear narrative so please keep that in mind if it's a confusing mess.  
> v) Read [my Dot/Fatin fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28486386) if you have taste but haven't yet!

Toni only has ten minutes left of her shift when her supervisor stops by her desk with a manila folder in one hand and her briefcase in the other.

“Topaz, you got time to make a call for me?” the woman asks expectantly, even though a question usually implies the option of more than one answer.

She was just about to start packing up to leave, but, “Sure.”

“Twins, nine years old,” her boss starts rattling off. “No father, and mother has a history of mental illness and stopped taking her meds; she’s been taken to Shady Grove Treatment Center for an eval.”

Toni tries not to let her mind go to where it immediately wants to. “No other relatives?”

“There’s a grandmother in town,” the older woman explains, handing Toni the case file with all the information she might need. “The kids are with her for now, but there’s an aunt out of state, listed as their emergency contact. She needs to be informed.”

“Yeah, I’ll take care of it,” Toni promises like the dutiful employee she is, even though she doesn’t need to look at the case to know it’s a conflict of interest for her.

Not that her boss would hear it anyways, with one foot already out the door. “Thanks, Topaz,” she says over her shoulder as she struts towards the office exit. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“‘Night,” Toni mumbles distractedly, not taking her eyes off the picture of two familiar little kids, with the same bright red hair that still haunts all of her dreams.

Her shift is long over by the time she works up the nerve to make the call.

College is nothing like high school, Cheryl learns very quickly.

There’s not much of a social hierarchy, nobody is afraid of her, and her last name carries little to no weight here, beyond a passing recognition of the sugary sweet breakfast condiment her family used to be known for.

This would have distressed Cheryl, before. Now, she welcomes the anonymity.

Now, Cheryl revels in the fact that nobody here knows her family or her story or her pain. That wouldn’t have been the case at Highsmith, where there’s a literal building named after her ghastly ancestors.

She’s not thankful to be here - she’d give anything to be at Highsmith right now like she’d planned, walking past the Blossom Dining Hall with her hand warm in Toni’s - but perhaps it’s true what they say, that every cloud has a silver lining. Even if this one is especially thin.

Cheryl even makes some friends, kind of; they’re as close to friends as Cheryl has ever had, anyways.

Friends that don’t blackmail her, or use her for her connections, or roll their eyes when she mentions her brother; they don’t know much about her either - just what she’s willing to push through the tiny window of the wall she’s put great effort into rebuilding all around her - but they keep her company, at least, so she’s not always so lonely.

They have study groups, and they invite her to movie nights, and they meet her for coffee between classes.

And when Cheryl opens her Instagram feed one night and checks Toni’s page to see she’s uploaded a story with a girl that’s almost certainly her new squeeze, they sneak in as much booze into her dorm as they can, so she can get as drunk as needed to forget about the girl that hasn’t left the forefront of her mind since that day in her driveway.

It’s ultimately fruitless, of course, since the human body is incapable of handling the amount of alcohol it would require for Cheryl to forget Toni for even a night, but it’s the thought that counts, she supposes, as she waits for the merciful respite of sleep to rescue her from the torture that’s been playing on loop in her mind for hours - and the months before that - because sometimes that’s enough.

(It’s only been months, but Cheryl wonders if Toni even still thinks of her at all.)

It’s not a secret that the 4th of July is Cheryl’s least favorite holiday, but nobody in her current social circle knows exactly why.

(Well, Veronica and Josie, to whom Cheryl still speaks and sometimes even sees, know, but neither of them do anything with that information, so they may as well be as in the dark as the rest of her New York friends.)

Nobody really questions her disinterest in the festivities - it’s hardly rare for an even moderately informed person to be against celebrating America these days, and for the record, nor is she - but a part of her wishes they would.

She’s not sure what she’d tell them, exactly, considering how much of herself and her traumas she’s kept hidden away from them, but it’d be nice to have the choice, at least.

But they don’t ask and Cheryl doesn’t ask them to, and the only person who ever would can’t, and already knows the answer anyways, just as well as she knows everything else there is to know about her.

(Or, she _did_ , once upon a time, anyways.)

And as if to prove that to be all too true, Cheryl’s phone lights up with a new text, and the way her breath hitches tells her who it is before she even looks.

She knows it’s Toni, because it wouldn’t be anyone else and she texted around this time last year too, a couple months after their night in the bunker, and when she works up the nerve to check, she’s proven right.

It’s a picture that ends up being of Sweetwater River, taken with obvious skill from the shore, and underneath it are two more bubbles that make Cheryl miss Toni even more than she misses Jason, today of all days.

_Stopped by to say hi to him for you._

_Thinking of you extra hard today ❤_

Cheryl doesn’t reply to the text - just like she didn’t last year, and won’t next year, either - but it’s enough to make her feel like she’s not alone.

Toni’s only seen Cheryl twice in the past seven years, and both of those other times, she had a lot more advance notice to prepare herself.

But her job is rarely ever predictable, and even though Polly going off the deep end again and leaving the twins without a full time legal guardian is pretty low on the list of reasons Toni would have wanted to bring them back together, she can’t pretend to be anything but excited when she spots that familiar red convertible turn onto Elm Street.

Well, maybe she’s a _little_ nervous, too, but that quickly dissipates when Cheryl steps out of her car, looking as beautiful as ever, and heads in her direction.

It should be a somber moment, considering what’s brought them both here, and everything else that’s kept them apart for years, but it seems Cheryl can’t control her feelings any better than Toni can.

“You’re quite the sight for sore eyes,” the redhead greets her kindly, slipping her sunglasses off so Toni can see the brown eyes she’s missed so much. “You changed your hair.”

Toni can’t fight the smile, but she tries. “Yeah, last year.”

“I love it,” Cheryl decides, reaching out to play with a single braid, that old intimacy still there between them, just as obvious as the love that remains, too. “I’m glad you kept some of the pink.”

“I’d feel weird without it,” she admits with a shrug. “It’d be like you without all the red. Which, by the way, I see some things haven’t changed.”

And by some things, Toni means _nothing_ , because Cheryl looks just the same as she always has, just a little older, and maybe wiser, too.

“You can’t improve on perfection,” Cheryl replies back in that haughty tone nobody but her can pull off, and it makes Toni laugh softly and fondly, because she can’t argue with that.

But she can’t let this continue, either, not when she wants to so badly, so she nods to the house behind them. “So, uh, you ready to head in and deal with Alice?”

The small smile drops from Cheryl’s face as she follows Toni’s gaze, and even though the moment is over and it’s suddenly a little awkward between them, Toni still reaches out to give her arm a squeeze before she starts up the pathway, knowing Cheryl will follow.

The bunker looks the same as it did when Cheryl last saw it - disgusting.

But there’s candles everywhere, and Toni is standing in the middle of them all, waiting for her, and they could be in an actual landfill for all Cheryl cares at that moment.

Because all that matters to her right now is the girl in front of her.

Toni’s all that’s ever mattered to her, the last two years without her - and the way her heart is beating out of her chest at the sight of her now - is proof of that.

There’s so much she wants to say to her, but there are other things she needs to do more, so Cheryl saves the talking for later and kisses her without so much as a word, just as she’s done so many times in her dreams.

It’s desperate and sloppy and the most alive Cheryl has felt since that night dancing in the school gym, before everything fell apart; it’s a feeling she’s missed, but never chased, because she always knew she’d never find it again, at least not with anyone else, and not just because she didn’t want to.

The only person in the world that can make her feel like this - that light headed, dizzy, breathless kind of feeling that romance novels and indie songwriters wax poetic about - is the girl wrapped in her arms right now, that she’s somehow managed to survive without for so long; the same girl and feeling Cheryl knows she’s somehow going to have to survive without again after tonight.

It’s that thought that makes her wonder, just for a moment, if she should stop this and spare herself the pain that’s sure to come in the morning, but when Toni pulls back to look at her before she wordlessly tugs her towards the bed, Cheryl’s following her without a second thought, because she’d follow Toni anywhere.

If only she could.

Cheryl waits a week before she tells Toni what has to happen, but as it turns out, it doesn’t soften the blow at all.

Toni tries to fight it just like she did, frantically sputtering out half baked ideas for ways they can stop this from happening, but nothing she comes up with is any better than Cheryl’s own desperate attempts.

There’s nothing they can do, not now, not against Penelope and the gravity of the information and evidence she has on them.

“This can’t be happening,” the smaller girl laments numbly, sitting down on the edge of the couch when her knees give way beneath her. “This… I can’t believe this is happening.”

Cheryl’s heart aches, but she doesn’t share in her girlfriend’s disbelief.

She’s been waiting for this moment from the very beginning, when the universe - or in this case, Penelope Blossom - would ruin the one good thing she’d managed to salvage from the dumpster fire that has been her life.

There was never a reality where Cheryl and Toni were going to get to live happily ever after together, because Cheryl Blossom isn’t destined for a happy ending.

It’s something she’s known from a young age, when her Nana Rose first told her of the Blossom curse, and not even Jason falling victim to it first was enough to assuage her dread.

Cheryl just wishes she wasn’t bringing her sweet, wonderful Toni down with her.

“I’m _so_ sorry, my love,” she sighs as she sits down beside her, trying to be the strong one for once. “This is all my fault.”

And though Toni shakes her head and assures her it isn’t, and even though Cheryl actually thinks the other girl truly believes that, she knows it to be true.

She was the one that couldn’t part with Jason, and she’s the one Bedford was threatening; if she had just buried Jason when Toni wanted - if she had never brought him back from the Farm at all - her uncle would have never died by her girlfriend’s hand, and her mother would have nothing to hold over their heads.

But Cheryl took too long letting go of her past, and now she can do nothing but watch as her future is ripped away from her, just as it was finally within her grasp.

(Toni’s probably better off without her, anyways.)

Toni hears Cheryl before she sees her, the girl never entering a room quietly.

Serpents part to let her through, a few of them whistling or offering her greetings as she makes her way into the Whyte Wyrm, her face unreadable until her gaze finds Toni, and her pouty lips pull up into a small smile.

“This place cleans up nicely,” she says as she approaches her at the bar, a purse that probably costs more than the entire building hanging from her forearm. “When did you reopen?”

“Last year,” Toni explains, stacking the newly cleaned glasses one on top of the other. She’s not a bartender anymore, but sometimes the place needs an extra hand and old habits die hard. “Don’t know how Veronica did it, but Hiram’s lawyer reached out for an offer and we managed to scrap the money together to buy it.”

Cheryl raises an amused, knowing eyebrow. “Do I want to know the kind of illegalities that were required to accomplish that?”

“Nothing you haven’t done yourself,” the Serpent queen retorts with a smirk that’s just as knowing. The redhead chuckles softly under her breath and bows her head, their attempt at small talk clearly running out. “So what brings you by? ‘Cause I know you weren’t in the neighborhood.”

The mood sombers a bit, but doesn’t get too awkward, as Cheryl takes a breath and says what she came here to say.

“I’ve decided to stay in Riverdale to take care of the twins while Polly is being treated, and I thought you should hear it from me,” she reveals with knitted eyebrows, like she’s worried Toni might be anything but over the fucking moon about this news. “Since they’ve apparently been assigned a new social worker, that required me to venture into your neck of the woods. The woman that works at Pop’s directed me to where I might find you.”

“Tabitha, his granddaughter,” Toni informs her first, focusing on the easiest to process part of what Cheryl’s said. Then she moves to the second easiest part. “And yeah, sorry about that. I wish I could have taken their case, but that would’ve been all kinds of unprofessional; I should have handed it over as soon as I knew for sure that it was June and Woody instead of calling and meeting you, but I couldn’t resist.”

(Her supervisor had given her an earful for that move, but it was her first real fuck up in three years, and considering the scale of her co-workers’ mistakes, it was ultimately forgiven with a slap on the wrist.)

The admission brings the smile back to Cheryl’s face as she admits, softly, “Well, I’m certainly glad you did. It was really good to see you, regardless of the circumstances.” That could be their tagline, at this point, Toni thinks. “Besides, it looks as though we’ll be living in the same town again for the foreseeable future, it’s best we got that first meeting out of the way.”

She somehow says it in a way that both sounds casual and so meaningful at the same time, and hearing it spelt out like that makes Toni’s breath hitch, just a little.

“Yeah,” she croaks, forcing the reply out past the sudden lump in her throat. “Looks like we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other.”

It’s a promise and a wish all rolled into one, and by the look Cheryl gives her before she turns to leave, it’s one she’s making, too.

Toni watches her walk away, and tries to make sense of what just happened, because not to be too presumptuous, but it feels safe for her to conclude that she played a huge part in Cheryl’s decision to stay in town instead of leaving the twins in Alice’s care, and it just doesn’t make sense.

Her _wanting_ to stay tracks, of course - Toni understands that desire so painfully well - but to actually do it?

She can’t quite make sense of that, considering all these years, Toni thought they were on the same page - that they needed at least a state between them to keep them apart - but it seems like something’s changed.

She doesn’t know how or why, and she probably won’t ask, but Cheryl must have a plan of some kind, so she’ll follow her lead.

Toni will try not to get her hopes up, she will - at least not any higher than they already are - but when it comes to Cheryl, she can’t do much else.

It’s been days since her mother’s sadistic ultimatum, and Cheryl still hasn’t told Toni of it.

Cheryl considers, only very briefly, not telling her; she considers breaking up with Toni without an explanation - or maybe a made up one - and never breathing a word of her mother’s nefarious blackmail scheme to anyone, but she nixes the idea almost as quickly as it forms.

Because the only way this break up could hurt worse, for either of them, is if they have to go through it alone.

No, Cheryl has to tell Toni the truth, all of it, no matter how much it hurts.

She deserves to know exactly why the future they’ve been planning so carefully is going to crumble.

But she doesn’t have to know just yet.

Toni deserves a little more time, too.

When Cheryl agreed to attend Veronica’s wedding, she’d done so based on a promise from the bride that she had not invited Toni, so imagine her surprise when one of the first things she sees upon entering the church, is an unmistakable head of pink hair.

She almost walks right out, but Josie hooks their arms together to stop her before she can.

“You’re not leaving me alone with all these snooty rich people,” her sometimes best friend warns her through gritted teeth. “Suck it up.”

“ _I’m_ a snooty rich person,” Cheryl reminds her with a whine, but still allows the other girl to drag them towards their seats.

The ceremony is beautiful, of course, if you enjoy celebrating offensively blatant heterosexuality and relationships of convenience, and Cheryl manages to avoid Toni until half way through the reception, when Josie has abandoned her to mingle with some possible record exec, and her ex-girlfriend spots her standing alone from across the room.

Cheryl holds her breath as Toni makes her way over to her, but makes no move to run away this time, because it’s not like Cheryl doesn’t want to see or talk to her, it’s that she _does_ ; she wants it too badly.

She was an absolute mess for months after their last night together a couple years ago, and it’s taken her this long to finally get to a place where she only spends every _other_ waking moment thinking of her lost love instead of _all_ of them, and she worries this might just knock her right back to square one.

That’s what her therapist suggests, anyways.

Oh, but Toni’s smiling that smile she loves and that black dress looks positively _incredible_ on her and she’s only gotten more beautiful with age and-

“Cheryl Bombshell,” she drawls as she closes the last bit of distance between them, reminding her so much of that night at the Bijou that changed her life forever. “Fancy seeing you here.”

The tone is light and friendly, and only a little flirty - a far cry from the immediate emotional turn their last meeting took - so Cheryl opts to follow Toni’s lead and reply in turn.

“At our mutual friend’s wedding?” she volleys back sarcastically, arching an eyebrow. “Yes, very shocking, indeed. Especially considering I had it on good authority that you weren’t invited.”

It’s not accusatory - at least not towards the woman in front of her - and her obvious frustration is met with a chuckle; Toni doesn’t take it personally.

“Fangs couldn’t get out of work, so I’m Kevin’s plus-one,” she explains, raising the hand holding her glass towards where the man in question is chatting with Veronica’s new brother-in-law. Cheryl’s not sure if she’s more surprised to hear that Fangs and Kevin are still an item, or that Toni is apparently close enough to them to be their hag. “What about you? You here with a hot date?”

Her casual tone slips a bit, as she not-so-subtly asks the question they’re both dying to know the answer to, but Cheryl picks up the slack to prevent the conversation from getting too heavy for her to hold.

“Oh, the absolute hottest,” the redhead confirms, managing to keep a straight face until she sees Toni’s fail just a fraction, and she puts her out of the misery she’s so familiar with herself. “Josie.”

The obvious relief on Toni’s face is felt in Cheryl’s chest, even if the pink haired woman covers it up swiftly with a joke. “I always suspected you were just settling with me.”

But joke or not, the mood hasn’t quite completely shifted yet, and Cheryl’s feeling brave enough to not be able to resist giving Toni something back; that reassurance she herself didn’t need, but would have appreciated, nonetheless.

“Au contraire, ma cherie,” she tsks, tone playful, but eyes less so. “I’ll be settling with anyone else merely because they _won’t_ be you.”

Toni’s own eyes brighten and her lips twitch up, and this is getting dangerous now, they both feel it, but of course it is. The only reason they’ve survived these past four years is because the only way they can be apart is to be far away from each other; put them in the same room, or even the same town, and they just miss each other too much to bear.

Which is why one of them should walk away right now, but instead, Toni offers her hand and asks for just one dance, and Cheryl can’t resist.

True to their words, they do start to see more of each other.

It’s always on the Southside, and usually at the Whyte Wyrm, when the twins are visiting with their grandmother, but Toni certainly doesn’t complain.

Cheryl doesn’t say it, but it’s obviously because of Penelope; the Southside is the one place in town she isn't likely to have eyes, and so it’s the only place that feels safe for them to meet.

They never do anything more than talk, though, so even if her reach has somehow stretched across the tracks, they aren’t really doing anything worth reporting.

Not yet, anyways, but that gets harder and harder everytime they meet.

Instead, they spend hours catching up and filling each other in on all the years they missed - on all those things they didn’t waste their precious and limited time on before, or avoided, because it was too hard.

Toni tells Cheryl about living with Kevin and Fangs, finally becoming the Serpent Queen, and all the ways the gang has evolved under her reign; she tells her all about Highsmith, and how her intended career in photojournalism turned into her becoming a social worker.

She even tells her about the grand total of three relationships she tried to have over the past seven years, but not why each of them failed.

( _Her_.)

For her part, Cheryl updates her on Polly and the twins, tells her about her own college experience, her life and friends in New York, her adventures in therapy, and how she’s spent the last three years or so working to rebrand and rebuild her family’s long destroyed business - something she once vowed never do to.

If she’s had any failed relationships of her own, she doesn’t share them, or any stories of her mother, either.

Seven years is a long time to be apart from someone she used to know everything about, and while it’s impossible to make up for all they’ve missed, it doesn’t mean they can’t try.

(Toni has missed the sound of Cheryl’s voice and her ridiculous vocabulary so fucking much.)

After holding on for much longer than anyone thought she would, Roseanne Blossom passes away towards the end of Cheryl’s sophomore year of college.

Cheryl hasn’t stepped foot in Riverdale since she left after graduation, but of course she returns to attend her beloved Nana's funeral.

Other than Josie, Cousin Betty is the only other one of her former school chums that makes herself known, greeting her with a rare hug and the standard condolences that mean a little more coming from her than anyone else in her family.

It isn’t until Cheryl stands to begin delivering the eulogy that she spots someone else in the distance.

She’d made sure to have the funeral outdoors, so that her mother wouldn’t even dare try to lurk around with so many Blossoms hanging about, or get the chance to conspire with Cricket, but Cheryl had never allowed herself to hope that Toni would show.

Yet there she is, standing just outside the gate, leaning against the passenger side door of Betty’s car, watching her with eyes that warm the redhead from all the way over there.

And as Cheryl’s trembling hand slips into her coat pocket to retrieve her speech, she finds herself with two different pieces of paper between her fingers. One has her own flawless penmanship scrawled across every line of the page, and the second has equally familiar handwriting, but only three lines written:

_Meet me in the bunker tonight._

_10:00 pm._

_< 3_

Cheryl’s heart skips a beat and her eyes immediately seek out Toni again, as if to make sure she’s not just a figment of her grieving imagination.

She isn’t.

Once she confirms the other girl is truly, actually, really there, Cheryl clears her throat and looks away, and begins to say yet another painful goodbye.

Kevin and Fangs don’t get it, but in their defense, neither does Toni, and she has a lot more info than they do.

They’ve asked about Cheryl before, tentatively, everytime one of her weak attempts at dating someone else predictably goes up in flames, but she never gave them anything but a brush off, because what else could she do?

Toni’s not sure what assumptions they’ve formed in her silence, but she’s sure none of them are fair to Cheryl.

So when they finally ask her what she’s doing with Cheryl now - why she’s _setting herself up to get crushed again_ \- Toni finally tells them everything.

She’s not sure if it’s her place, or if she should have run it by Cheryl first, but it’s her story too, and they’re her best friends, and she’s waited seven years to be able to really talk about this with someone that wasn’t neck deep in it, too.

Plus, if there’s anyone in the world that will understand the poor decisions made after escaping the clutches of a brain washing, organ harvesting cult, it’s Kevin and Fangs; she knows they won’t judge.

And they don’t.

“Damn, Tiny,” Fangs whistles when she’s done, shaking his head as he leans back into the couch like he’s just lived the tale his friend has told him. “No wonder you’re still hung up on her. I mean, I know she’s hot and all, but I never really got it. But _damn_. That sucks.”

Kevin, for his part, is equally as surprised. “How did I have no idea about any of this?” he wonders rhetorically, but thankfully saves Toni from having to listen to a recap of it all, from Edgar, to Jason, to Bedford, to Penelope.

Toni shrugs, thinking he should just be thankful. “The tickle business must have been monopolizing all your attention.”

The reminder is enough to ensure both men keep any other commentary about the hijinks that went on in Thistlehouse to themselves.

“So what are you guys gonna do?” Kevin asks, swiftly sidestepping that embarrassing jab at his own past.

“What do you mean?”

“Are you gonna hook up in secret?” Fangs questions from his side.

“Or kidnap her mom and torture her until she gives in?” Kevin adds, sounding a little too giddy at the possibility. “I hear maple boarding works wonders. Oh! Or is Cheryl gonna break out her bow? Because I always miss it.”

Toni rolls her eyes. “We’re not gonna _do_ anything,” she informs them sullenly, not appreciating their misplaced optimism. Did they not listen to her story? “There’s nothing we _can_ do. Don’t you think if there were, we wouldn’t have spent the last seven years apart?”

They had considered all of their other options and they had none; Penelope was armed with something too dangerous to fight any harder than they did - she had pictures of them standing over Bedford’s dead body, for fuck’s sake.

There was nothing they could have done.

( _Right?_ )

Her friends share a dubious look that does nothing but annoy her further.

“You don’t think you can just be friends, do you?” Kevin asks her critically. “Because trust us, that does _not_ work.”

“Yeah, you can’t be friends with someone you’re still in love with,” Fangs agrees with a smirk as he looks at his boyfriend, knowing that all too well.

And Toni knows it too - as good as these past two weeks of being with Cheryl have been, they’ve been just as hard - but that doesn’t make her want to punch them any less.

“Just be careful,” Kevin warns her gently, sensing her mood. “You’ve been doing so well lately and it sounds like you two are playing a dangerous game with an even more dangerous woman. So just make sure you both know what you’re doing. And ask yourself if whatever it is - whatever you can have - is worth everything that you’re risking.”

It’s good advice, and probably exactly what she’d tell someone else in her position, but it’s not what Toni wants to hear.

“I can’t believe you’re real,” Cheryl marvels, finally voicing the words that have been echoing in her head since she saw Toni earlier in the day - or since the first time, really, since she’s already being sappy. “I can’t believe we’re _here_.”

Toni smiles softly like she’s been thinking the same thing, but pivots to a lighter reply of, “I can’t believe we made it out of high school without resorting to hooking up in this joint, only for us to end up here now.”

Cheryl can’t resist wrinkling her nose at the reminder, refusing to take her eyes off the beauty in front of her to look around the dank, yellowy hole in the ground they’ve found themselves in.

“It’s worth it,” she counters, and believes wholeheartedly.

She’d go anywhere and do anything just to see Toni again, let alone be with her like this.

“Wouldn’t have asked you to meet me if I didn’t agree,” the other girl concurs with the same soft, lazy grin on her lips, as she shifts closer to curl into Cheryl’s side. Her fingernails immediately start dancing across the redhead’s bare stomach and make her shiver.

It’s almost unimaginable to Cheryl, the way Toni can still make her feel after being apart for so long, and yet not surprising in the least, at the very same time; some things are so ingrained in her body - and heart - that they’re instinctual.

“I was not at all expecting my day to end like this,” Cheryl admits after a few beats of comfortable silence, pressing a kiss to the top of still pink hair. “I hadn’t expected you to come today. How did you even know?”

“Betty called and told me,” Toni explains, confirming what she had assumed. “And _of course_ I came; you know I loved that creepy old lady, and more than that, I love _you_.” The heavy words linger in the air between them, a void usually filled with an echo, but one that’s not needed this time, and too hard to give, anyways. So Toni fills it with something else after a few moments; “I saw the twins with Polly. They’re getting so big.”

Her heart aches at the mention of her darling niece and nephew, but not just for them or even their father, but for the little family she and Toni and Nana Rose had made with them during senior year.

The family she had always yearned for and finally got, only to lose all too soon after, in typical Cheryl Blossom fashion; the family that was now missing yet another member.

But now is no time to dwell.

“I know, I couldn’t believe it,” Cheryl murmurs instead, her voice genuine but wobbly as she thinks of them and Jason and everything. “I don’t get to see them very often anymore.” With Polly finally getting back on her feet and Cheryl living in New York, the twins she used to hold every morning are just two more people she misses terribly and only gets to see on a tiny screen. “I’m not seeing _anyone_ , actually,” she not so subtly tacks on, speaking of loneliness.

It’s something they probably should have discussed before they had sex, but two years is a long time to go without seeing or being near the love of one’s life, so of course she’d thought of nobody else - not that there’s anyone else for _her_ to think of.

The fact that Toni doesn’t immediately reply with the same sentiment tells Cheryl all she needs to know about the other girl’s current dating status, though, but she’s surprised to find she’s not heartbroken about it, considering the last hint of a relationship was enough to make Cheryl mute her on all social media platforms.

Whatever Toni has with this person must not be love, or probably even serious at all - not if she’s here with _her_ , like _this_ ; as long as Cheryl still has her heart, that’s what matters most to her.

(It’s all she can ever really hope to have, now.)

She doesn’t need to know anything more - she doesn't _want_ to know - and there’s nothing for her to tell, so nothing else is said on the matter.

Seemingly getting that her silence has spoken for itself, Toni swiftly pivots the subject once again, to something safer. “Y’know, they offered me Serpent Queen.”

Cheryl’s lips curve up again; no matter her own complicated and messy history with the Serpents, she knows how much they mean to Toni, and what the title does, too.

She’d finally been invited to rejoin the Serpents towards the end of high school - after prom and before everything fell apart - and even though Toni had been sure her mom’s return to Riverdale had something to do with it, she hadn’t had it in her to turn the offer down.

No invite had been extended to Cheryl, and though it stung, she’d done a good job pretending it didn't, and she hadn’t allowed Toni to let that stop her, as much as she tried.

(Cheryl’s red leather jacket hangs in the back of her closet at Thistlehouse, collecting dust, but still there, safe, all the same.)

“Just as you’ve always wanted,” she remembers with a grin and nothing else but pride for the girl she squeezes tightly against her. She doesn’t miss the lack of response this time, either, which she can only assume means; “You didn’t take it?”

“Everyone wants me to,” Toni admits. “But I don’t know, I don’t think I can handle that right now.”

It’s not often that tiny Toni Topaz is willing to acknowledge or admit her limitations, so if she doesn’t think she can handle it, she can’t, and she shouldn’t be forced to try for anyone else.

“Only do it if _you_ want to, T. T.,” Cheryl insists, the old nickname as natural on her tongue as everything else between them always has been. “Too much of our lives has been decided by someone else already.”

It’s the closest either has come to acknowledging Penelope and why they are where they are, but it’s been hanging over them since they locked eyes earlier in the day.

And just as she thinks that, Toni’s shifting, turning over so she can look at Cheryl before she suddenly breaks down in her arms.

“I miss you so fucking much, Cher,” the smaller girl cries, clutching a crestfallen face with a trembling hand as the facade cracks and threatens to bring Cheryl’s down with it. She doesn’t know where this came from, she’s just surprised she didn’t crumble first. “I thought it would get easier, everyone kept saying it would, but everything I do to try to miss you less just makes it worse.”

Cheryl’s heart aches for her, and she wishes that she wasn’t the kind of person that finds a sick sort of comfort in their shared pain, but a little part of her does, and she hates herself for that.

(The only thing worse than loneliness is being alone in it.)

“I know, my love,” she sighs, her own brown eyes welling as she hugs Toni close to her chest. “Believe me, I know.”

They cling to one another as the night fades into morning, and goodbye hurts even worse the second time around.

It only takes about three weeks of living in close proximity to each other for Cheryl and Toni to sleep together, but if she’s being honest, that’s longer than Toni thought they’d last.

They don’t plan it, and in their defense, they hadn’t had any other Almost moments before tonight to warn them that this was coming, but that doesn’t change the fact that they’re currently sprawled out together on the couch in the backroom of the Whyte Wyrm, worn out but thoroughly satisfied.

Not the ideal place for their first time together in five years, but it beats the sex bunker, at least.

“Was this a mistake?” Toni can’t help but ask once the high has worn off and the endorphins that had previously clouded her judgment have started to dissipate to make room for that little voice in her head to return - the one that suddenly sounds a lot like Kevin.

Cheryl doesn’t seem to be experiencing the same doubts. “Why for would you ever think that?” she wonders, carefully shifting her body on the small couch so she can get a look at Toni.

“Come on, Cher,” she sighs, eyeing her softly in the shitty dim lighting. “You can’t keep ignoring the obvious, especially now.”

“I haven’t been,” the redhead insists dismissively, holding Toni’s gaze for a moment longer before she relents. “Well, I haven’t been the only one, at least.”

“No, you haven’t,” Toni admits freely, because that’s the first step in changing. “So, let’s talk about it.” Deciding their current positioning isn’t optimal for this conversation, Toni gently rolls Cheryl off of her so that she can pull herself up into a seated position. “What are we doing?”

“We _were_ basking in the afterglow of incredible sex,” Cheryl grumbles pointedly as she reluctantly sits up herself, but still doesn’t leave much room between them.

“Cheryl, stop,” she sighs again, not having expected anything else from the other woman. “This, what did _this_ mean? Was it a one night thing? Or are we gonna start sneaking around now?”

She realizes she sounds like Kevin and Fangs, but as much as she tried to brush them off that night, Toni’s been mulling over their questions - and warnings - ever since, and she’s finally ready to get some answers that only Cheryl can give.

“Is that something you’d actually consider doing?” the other woman wonders with genuine curiosity, sounding skeptical.

“What, only getting to be with you every other night? Hooking up with you on a ratty old leather couch in a biker bar?” Toni replies, her tone making it clear just how _not_ here for that scenario she is. “Cheryl, we’re not teenagers anymore, and that’s… I don’t think that’s something I could do. Not when I know what it’s like to have all of you.”

Having to meet up here in secret just to _talk_ every few nights has been hard enough; there’s no future in a secret, and Toni can’t let herself go any further with Cheryl if there’s no light at the end of the tunnel.

After seven years, she still hasn’t fully reemerged from their first doomed venture, and if she turns back now, she’ll never get out again.

“What if you _could_ have all of me once more?” is all Cheryl says in response.

Toni doesn’t let herself even consider the possibility. “Your mom-”

“Will be dealt with,” Cheryl cuts in to assure her, sounding completely sure of it. “I won’t tell you the details yet, but just give me a little more time to get everything in order, and I promise you, my love, it will be handled and we will finally be free.”

She looks and sounds so damn confident that Toni almost lets herself believe it; she’s felt Cheryl had something up her sleeve this whole time, after all, so it makes sense, but hope is such a cruel bitch and Penelope Blossom is an even bigger one.

“Babe,” she says softly, the endearment so painfully familiar but so strange on her tongue. “What are you up to?”

“Just trust me, please,” Cheryl insists, ducking her a little to catch Toni’s gaze and reaching over to grab her hand. “I have already wasted too many of our years kowtowing to that woman’s hateful threats instead of truly putting up a fight like I should have - resigned to the miserable life I had always presumed to await me before I met you. But no more. I’ve spent the last three years getting everything lined up, and then dear Cousin Polly fell ill and you got the twins’ case and it was as if it were fate itself calling.” Toni listens and tries to ignore the pure conviction in her voice, but it’s impossible; just like arguing with the truth of her words is. She can’t deny it feels a little like destiny. “This _will_ work, T.T., I would never put you at risk if I were not sure. So please, _please_ , don’t spend another minute worrying your pretty little head about it and just be with me.”

As much as Toni trusts Cheryl and as much as she wants to believe she can pull off whatever insane plan she’s cooked up, when has anything ever worked out in their favor?

All of what Cheryl just said might have been fate, but fate can be cruel, too.

Still, she doesn’t have the heart to deny Cheryl the one thing she’s asked of her in years, so Toni doesn’t argue and just kisses her instead.

The first time Cheryl tried to sleep with a woman after Toni, she got about as far as getting her shirt off before she completely humiliated herself by breaking down into a pathetic, sobbing mess.

Josie had played the part of supportive best friend so well, that when she gently nudged Cheryl in the direction of therapy - something many people have much less gently tried to shove her into many times before - she actually finally went.

Mrs. Burble hadn’t been _completely_ useless, after all.

She’s been going fairly consistently for over a year now, and while Cheryl wouldn’t say all - or any, really - of her many gaping emotional wounds are healed, she can’t deny it’s helped a smidge. Even if her therapist can be a _little_ bit annoying sometimes.

“How was Veronica’s wedding?” the woman asks once the weekly pleasantries are out of the way, feeling familiar enough with her patient to simply cut to the chase now, it seems. “That was this weekend, right?”

Cheryl fights an eye roll at the transparency. ”Toni was there,” she informs her, knowing that’s what she’s really asking, considering that had been Cheryl’s main concern when it was last discussed. “She was the plus one of a mutual friend.”

Her therapist knows about Toni, and Penelope and the blackmail, but not all the details, obviously; what Cheryl could share safely, she did.

The woman nods, not giving her any kind of reaction. “And did you do anything other than see her?”

“We danced for quite a while, but that’s all,” Cheryl answers, almost defensively. “We didn’t get a seedy motel room and spend the night together, if that’s what you’re inquiring about.” There’s no _almost_ about that, so she feels compelled to follow it up with a bit of honesty. “I wanted to, of course, but I knew it would only serve to cause harm to me come morning.”

Hearing her advice repeated back to her causes the therapist's mask of indifference to slip a little.

“That’s good, Cheryl,” the woman tells her kindly, with a small smile. “That’s progress; not blindly listening to your base desires, thinking of the consequences before acting.”

That’s been a huge thing they’ve been working on together, since being randomly chaotic lost its charm - and fun - long ago, but knowing that wasn’t enough to help her stop completely.

The praise makes Cheryl feel a little like a child, but as annoying as it is, it’s the exact kind of thing she missed out on from her own mother, who is, of course, not a small factor in what’s contributed to her sitting on this couch once a week, so it doesn’t annoy her enough to comment on.

“Yes, well,” is all she can say to that instead.

Her therapist surely knows how her words make her feel, but thankfully, she doesn’t comment on it either, and stays on topic.

“And how was that? Seeing her, being around her?” she questions in that annoying tone of hers, that makes it seem like she already knows the answer to everything she asks. “I can’t imagine that was easy at a wedding, of all places.”

Insinuating Veronica’s sham of a relationship is anything to be envious of is laughable, but Cheryl can’t be bothered to get into that, because it’s just splitting hairs.

“Of course it wasn’t,” the redhead bites out, not being able to stop herself this time. But she takes a moment before she continues, so she can be more truthful than angry. “But, it was comforting, too. To see her again, to be able to fall back into rhythm with her so easily still.” She takes another moment to consider. “Bittersweet, I suppose.”

“And what about in the morning?” the therapist presses, pen at the ready to make notes she can analyze and criticize later. “As hard as you anticipated?”

Cheryl takes a breath as she remembers waking up in her hotel bed alone the next morning, Josie sound asleep in the one next to her; she remembers seeing Toni across the lobby as the other woman waited for Kevin to finish checking out, and doing nothing but waving at her from afar.

“Not as much as last time,” she decides, after remembering the days and weeks and even months following Nana Rose’s funeral, when she missed her grandmother, but missed Toni even more.

That gets another smile out of her therapist. “That’s good,” she praises her again, scribbling something down quickly before looking back up at her. “Maybe that’s a sign that you’re finally ready to let go a little? Close that chapter of your life and start to move on?”

Cheryl’s reaction to the mere suggestion is almost visceral, and this time she can’t stop herself from scoffing.

“Maybe it merely means that I’ve long since accepted it’s over and that sporadic nights like that are the best I can hope for,” she insists without much thought, the admission surprising even herself.

Her therapist _mhmms_ at that, writing something else down, and Cheryl grapples with what it really means to _truly_ give up on Toni, and the realization that she did that from the very start.

(She contacts her lawyer and a couple business school chums to start doing something she should’ve started years ago, as soon as her session ends.)

When Penelope strikes, it’s sudden, but Cheryl still should have seen it coming.

Her mother had been too quiet and things had been going too well after dealing with Toni’s disapproving family just before prom, so how very naive of her to be surprised when the same vile woman that’s made her life hell, makes a move to ensure the rest of it continues to be.

“Why?” Cheryl asks when it’s all done, when she’s finished screaming and crying and exhausting herself fighting something she never stood a chance against.

She’s defeated and broken, and she sounds it, which must please her mother as she asks, “Why _what_?”

“Why do you hate me _so_ much?”

It’s a question that used to keep Cheryl up at night, back when she used to try to change it, but somewhere along the way she’d stopped wondering.

And as she looks up at Penelope now, at the look of surprised confusion on her face, as if she’s never asked herself that question even once, Cheryl wishes she could have stopped caring a long time ago, too.

In true dramatic Cheryl Blossom fashion, she doesn’t tell Toni what she’s walking in on when she invites herself over while she’s working, but Toni is smart enough to know it’s something big.

It’s the first time she’s set foot in Toni’s apartment since her return to Riverdale, and it’s surreal for her to return home from work and be greeted at the door by her ex-girlfriend, but weirdly comforting, too; it’s like old times.

Cheryl doesn’t say anything to her as she takes her hand and silently leads her around the corner into the living room, and she gives it a squeeze when she must feel Toni tense at the sight that greets her when they get there.

Cricket Blossom is sitting stiffly in a recliner she looks incredibly out of place in, all prim and proper and clearly preparing herself for whatever Cheryl is going to throw at her this time; even though Toni thinks the woman is some kind of evil, she still feels a pang of remorse for the whole killing her husband thing.

“Aunt Cricket, thank you for agreeing to meet with me here today,” the younger redhead starts the meeting formally as they make their way into the room, sending her a polite smile as if she didn’t trick her into thinking she’d committed cannibalism last time they were all together.

“What is this about, Cheryl?” the older Blossom questions as the two of them sit down on the couch adjacent to her, eyeing them warily.

Toni hangs back, not knowing what’s about to go down, but ready to take this bitch out too, if she has to.

(Guess she’s not _that_ sorry.)

Cheryl hesitates for a moment as she takes a deep breath, the first sign of doubt she’s shown about this whole thing, but it passes as quickly as came, and before Toni has a chance to ask if she’s sure about this, the plan is in motion.

“I killed Bedford,” Cheryl confesses evenly, her voice not wavering at all.

“ _Cheryl_ ,” Toni quickly hisses, sitting up straighter and leaning closer to the other woman.

_What the fuck is she doing?_

She tries to nudge her or grab her arm or _something_ to get her attention onto her, but Cheryl doesn’t look away from her aunt.

“Excuse me?”

“I killed Bedford,” she repeats, just as confidently. “It was in self defense. He had broken into our home and woke us up; we found him in the chapel, raving like a lunatic, threatening us. He attacked my beloved Toni, had her pinned against the wall, and I struck him with a candlestick. I hadn’t meant to kill him, just to simply incapacitate him, but I miscalculated my own strength, and the blow to the head was fatal.”

Toni feels like her heart is beating out of her chest as she waits for Cricket’s reaction, and while she could throttle Cheryl for being so reckless and confessing to something so damning - that she didn’t even do herself - right now, all Toni can do is grip Cheryl’s thigh tightly and hold on for dear life.

“Why are you telling me this now?” Cricket eventually questions after a few painfully heavy moments of silence that feel more like hours.

She doesn’t sound surprised or outraged - and why would she, when it’s something she suspected right from the beginning - just skeptical.

“Because I have a proposal for you,” Cheryl reveals, voice still completely steady and giving away nothing.

Toni can’t help but marvel at how well she’s perfected her business woman persona over the years; there’s not a trace of that insecure or emotional teenage girl sitting beside her.

Cricket doesn’t seem nearly as impressed, though she also does a fairly decent job at keeping her tone unreadable. “And why would I work with you after you just confessed to murdering my husband?”

A good question, indeed, Toni silently agrees, anxiously awaiting the answer herself.

“Because like every other member of this wretched family, you value money and reputation over anything else - a fact I had naively overlooked once upon a time,” Cheryl asserts, speaking so confidently it sounds more like she’s ordering her aunt to do it, rather than guessing she will. “And I’m about to make you an offer you wouldn’t dare refuse.”

And just like that, Cricket’s poker face slips enough that even Toni can tell they’ve got her.

She squeezes Cheryl thigh in a silent show of celebration, and thinks maybe good things really do come to those who wait.

The last time Cheryl and Toni shared a slow dance, they were eighteen years old and thought they had their whole life together in front of them.

Now it’s four years later and they’re four years older, and the only thing they have to look forward to is these stolen moments every couple of years, where something tragic or something beautiful brings them back together for just one night, before they have to leave each other all over again.

But that just makes Cheryl hold Toni that much tighter, like if she keeps a firmer grip, she’ll get to keep her this time.

There are people dancing all around them - couples, friends, fathers, daughters, husbands, wives - but just like prom night, Cheryl looks only at Toni, who still fits against her perfectly.

It makes her wonder if this would hurt more or less if they tried to fit together again and found they didn’t, but as they sway together, it seems impossible to imagine that could ever be; Cheryl can’t fathom a reality where she ever sees Toni and doesn’t lose her breath; that Toni could one day grow into a circle while she stays a square.

Maybe it would be easier to move on if that ever happened, but Cheryl’s sure she prefers the pain - it’s all she has left of them to cling to, and the only love that she has left, too.

“Are you thinking about prom?” Toni wonders softly, her melodic voice pulling Cheryl from her musings and grounding her to the moment. It’s nice to know she can still read her mind. “Would you believe me if I told you I still have my crown?”

Cheryl fights a smile at that, picturing Toni’s prom queen crown sitting proudly beside one adorned with snakes; she’s heard through the grapevine that Toni has recently accepted the position as Serpent Queen, and she hopes that means things have settled down for the other woman, and she didn’t take it until she knew she could.

She could just ask her about it, but she won’t.

Somehow, it’s easier this way, when they just talk of the times they shared _then_ , instead of the _now_ that they don’t; she doesn’t need to know everything she doesn’t know about Toni anymore, she’s all too painfully aware already.

“I would be disappointed if you didn’t,” the redhead plays it cool, even though she’s sure Toni will probably see right through it.

If she does, she doesn’t call her on it. “God, that night feels like a lifetime ago,” Toni sighs all wistfully, brushing her thumb against the back of Cheryl’s neck and making her shiver.

And _ache_.

“Probably because it was,” she reminds her morosely, just as the song they’ve been dancing to comes to an end.

Cheryl reluctantly tries to step back, but Toni doesn’t let her go.

“ _Wait_ ,” the shorter woman insists, following her step and tightening her hold. “One more song.”

Toni sounds smaller than she looks, and gazes up at Cheryl imploringly, and how could she possibly deny either of them a few more minutes?

“Okay,” Cheryl agrees with a whisper, slipping her arms back around Toni’s waist and pulling her closer again. “Just one more.”

One more song turns into three, but even three _hundred_ more wouldn’t be enough.

When it’s all said and done, Cricket owns a majority share of recovering Blossom Maple Farms just like she’d wanted all those years ago - and half of Cheryl’s inheritance for good measure - while Penelope finally ends up behind bars, where she belongs.

And Cheryl?

Her gamble pays off, and Toni wins the jackpot.

She tries to be mad at Cheryl for taking such a risk like that, but the redhead keeps insisting it was well worth it, and years too late.

Coming clean to Cricket herself takes Penelope’s only leverage and course of action away from her, and once Cricket has burned all the incriminating pictures she was able to con Penelope into giving her, there’s nothing stopping Cheryl from turning her mother over to the police anymore; nobody sane believes the mere word of a wanted murderer, especially not when the widow of the alleged victim provides the two women being accused with air tight albis.

Toni thoroughly enjoys watching Sheriff Keller escort a handcuffed Penelope out of the Blossom Hunting Lodge - which is where she’s been hiding out this whole time, apparently - but she enjoys watching the woman’s face turn a fitting shade of red when she sees her holding hands with her daughter even more.

It feels anti-climatic in a way, and Toni tries not to dwell on the fact that they could have saved themselves years of pain if either of them had stopped wallowing long enough to take actual action back then.

What matters is that one of them finally did and now, it’s finally done.

“So, what happens now?” she asks once all the cars have driven off and they’re left alone, wondering just how far ahead this plan of hers goes.

But the smile that slowly grows on Cheryl’s lips is far too genuine to be anything but spontaneous.

“Whatever we want,” she reminds her freely, her grin lighting up her whole face now, as she leans down to lift Toni right off the ground and spin her around.

It’s the loudest Toni’s laughed in years.

The final few weeks they get together before graduation are more bitter than sweet.

As much as they both try to make the most of their remaining time together, it’s impossible to truly enjoy any of it with the dwindling numbers hanging over their heads.

None of their friends know why they’re so down, or even ask, but they’ve all got their own issues and doomed relationships to deal with, so for once, Cheryl doesn’t hold it against them.

Weeks turn into days, and then all too soon, into hours, and before either of them really knows it, graduation day has arrived and high school isn’t the only thing ending.

After much debate, it’s decided that Toni will be the one that goes to Highsmith - she got a scholarship, after all, the beautiful little genius, and Cheryl has the money and connections to go somewhere else on such short notice - and they won’t wait until the end of summer to say goodbye.

This is it for them.

There’s no point in prolonging the inevitable, because what will rip their insides out today won’t hurt any less two months from now, and maybe it’ll be easier this way.

(It isn’t.)

“I can’t do this,” Toni cries, not for the first time, as they stand in the driveway of Thistlehouse, her bags packed and loaded onto the back of her bike. She’s kept it together fairly well up until now, just like she always has, but nobody can take everything. “I can’t say goodbye to you.”

So Cheryl will take it on for her.

“And yet, you must,” she sighs, brown eyes full and sad and dull, but dry - for now.

She has to be strong.

“This isn’t how this was supposed to happen,” the pink haired girl keens, wrapping her hands up in the too long sleeves of her shirt, as she shakes her head from side to side, like she’s trying to will this reality away.

It breaks Cheryl’s heart. “Oh?” she responds with a quirked eyebrow, not quite able to achieve the lightness she’s going for in such a heavy moment. “And how was it that you imagined saying goodbye to me?”

Toni chokes out a noise that’s between a laugh and a sob, and allows herself to play along, for just a moment. “On my deathbed, when I was ninety.”

She pouts as she says it and for some reason, it’s those words that almost get Cheryl to start crying too. But she stays strong, and instead gives the other girl a wry smile and says, “You _would_ insist on going first.”

But the heavy-light moment doesn’t last, and all too soon, Toni’s breaking a little bit more and reaching out to Cheryl to help keep her together.

“How are we supposed to do this, Cher?” she whimpers, lips trembling as equally unsteady hands curl around the back of Cheryl’s neck to pull her closer. “How the hell am I supposed to just walk away from you? From _us_? Our future?”

Cheryl closes her eyes, her mind painting the picture of what they’d spent hours and hours planning late at night, curled together in their four poster bed and dreaming even before they fell asleep.

The picture of their cute cozy house, and their big fluffy dog, and adorable baby twins goes up in flames behind her eyes, the smoke crawling up her throat and getting stuck.

“I don’t know, sweetheart,” Cheryl croaks out, dropping her forehead against Toni’s as her eyes finally start to well up with tears.

She wishes more than anything that she knew, for the both of them, how to make this anything but harrowing, but she knows better than anyone that the loss of something so paramount and so beautiful, could never be anything else.

“Baby…”

“You just do,” she manages to say with a steadiness she doesn’t feel at all. “You just walk away and you don’t look back.”

Toni starts sobbing then, breaking so completely Cheryl can’t possibly catch all the pieces, but she tries anyway, just as the other girl has always done for her.

Their last kiss isn’t as grand or dramatic as their first, but it makes her feel just as much, and when Toni finally finds the strength to let her go and turn away, Cheryl holds onto her for as long as she can, until she slips right through her fingers, like everyone else she’s ever loved has before.

She doesn’t let herself cry until the rumble of Toni’s bike has long faded into the distance.

“Do you think we’d still be together now if your mom never did what she did?” Toni asks into the familiar red tinted darkness of Cheryl’s bedroom, laying across from her just as she did the very first time she slept over.

( _Do you think we’d still be together now if we hadn’t given up so easily back then?_ is somewhere in the subtext, too.)

It’s a question she’s wondered about for a long time, even before Cheryl came back to Riverdale and decided to stay - sometimes to torture herself and sometimes for comfort, depending on what her answer was that day.

“Of course,” Cheryl responds certainly, with a confidence Toni only sometimes has and knows Cheryl didn’t always possess. It takes her a moment to realize the implication behind the question. “Do you not?”

“I don’t know,” she admits honestly, a nonsensical feeling of guilt churning in her belly.

Toni knows how much she loved Cheryl back then, and she knows now much she still loves her now - how she never stopped, even with all that time apart - but she also knows it’s not that simple.

She thinks of Kevin and Fangs, the longest standing couple she knows, and remembers all the many times they’ve broken up over the last seven years; she thinks of her parents, who loved each other so fiercely, but were never really able to make it work.

And she thinks of Cricket, who barely hesitated to throw her dead - admittedly evil - husband away for some hard cash and control. Did they ever love each other, or was it always just a relationship of convenience and opportunity like Cheryl assumed?

Toni thinks of Veronica’s wedding day, and how blindly envious she was of the love she witnessed between her and her husband, and how when she sees them now, she wouldn’t wish what they have on anyone.

Relationships are hard and feelings change and love isn’t always enough.

They spent seven years apart and they grew up and evolved and accomplished so many things, and they loved each other all that time, too.

She has a job she loves, where she can help kids the way nobody helped her, and she’s finally leading the gang she always viewed as family; Cheryl has friends - _real_ friends - and she’s in a better place, emotionally and mentally, than Toni’s ever seen her before.

Would all of that have still happened if they hadn’t been forced apart the way they were? _Could_ it have? Would they have still grown together or just grown apart?

Toni can’t say for certain; she’s sure she’d still love Cheryl today, regardless of the in between, but she’s not so sure it’d be the same kind of love she feels right now, this second, as she looks into the eyes she’s only seen in her dreams for so long.

And she’s not sure the rest of it would be the same, either.

But what does any of it even matter now?

Cheryl isn’t one of her _what if’s_ anymore; she’s just hers, and she never has to wonder ever again.

“Well, I’m certain we would have,” Cheryl decides firmly, and optimism looks so good on her, that Toni can’t bring herself to disagree.

“As long as we’re together now, that’s all I care about,” Toni says instead, even though she’s the one that asked the question in the first place.

They still have a long way to go, and they’ve decided to take it slow, but they’ll get where they were supposed to be together, just a little bit late.

Growing up desperate for approval and adoration - and watching all the classic popular teen dramas - Cheryl’s dreamt of wearing that coveted prom queen crown for as long as she can remember.

But now that her fantasy has finally come to fruition, she realizes that she’s been aiming too low this entire time, because the honor wouldn’t have meant half as much to her without her love wearing a matching crown right beside her.

“I can’t believe tonight really happened,” Cheryl sighs as she sinks into bed, the same smile she’s been wearing all night still etched on her face; her crown sits safely on her night stand.

Toni climbs in from her side with a laugh. “Is it really that hard to believe you’d win prom queen?” she wonders with obvious amusement, slipping under the covers and getting settled in for the night. “You’ve ruled that school for four years, babe. Who else would it have been?”

Cheryl’s smile falters just a bit as she contemplates the question and her response; she doesn’t wish to dampen her good mood with old insecurities, but she supposes tonight is a good night to reflect on just how far she’s come.

“Fearing someone and liking someone are two very different things,” she points out evenly. “It’s hardly a secret my popularity isn’t due to the latter.”

She’s not trying to dwell on it, merely pointing out a fact, but Toni still gives her a furrowed brow of sympathy and pokes her lightly in the stomach as she shifts closer.

“Hey, they voted for you, didn’t they?”

And even though she wasn’t looking for the reassurance, Cheryl still appreciates it, nonetheless. “They were probably voting for _you_ , mon amour,” the redhead theorizes playfully, slipping her leg between her girlfriend’s and tangling them together. “You’re very likeable, I’ll have you know.”

Her flirtatious tone seems to be enough to let Toni know that she doesn’t need further affirmation or pep talks, so the other girl shifts her own tone accordingly.

“Oh yeah?” she teases, a grin pulling at her lips as she dances her fingers over the sliver of pale skin between Cheryl’s sleep shorts and shirt. “You got a crush on me or something, Blossom?”

“Perhaps a small one,” Cheryl giggles, the euphoria of the evening making an already happy moment feel that much happier; this is easily the best night of her life. So far, at least; she, and _they_ , still have many wonderful nights left to go. “I wouldn’t mind spending the rest of my life with you, I suppose.”

It’s a promise, but she says it lightly, and even though the smaller girl obviously picks up on the weight of it - if that telling quirk of her lips is anything to go by - she responds in kind.

“Well, do I have some _great_ news for you then,” Toni laughs, looking and sounding just as giddy as Cheryl feels, before she’s closing the tiny distance between them to kiss her dizzy.

She giggles into it, nose crinkling from smiling so big, and she wishes this night, and this feeling, could last forever.

It can’t, she knows that - for things to be this good, they have to be really bad sometimes, too - but as long as she has more nights like this in her future, where she feels this light, this elated, and this in love, she’ll be happy.

(And she does; they do.

One day, Cheryl and Toni will be very, _very_ happy again, for much more than just a night.)

**Author's Note:**

> Please provide me with validation through kudos and feedback, it's my only source of serotonin these days. Also, God speed to you all for the no doubt rough ride we're all about to go on in S5! Thanks for reading.


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